Saturday, January 3, 2009

Not Hoping For A Rerun

At 8am this morning I woke up to the buzzing of my blackberry and answered another one of "those" phone calls. It wasn't the first time over the last year that I have received one of "those" calls. Somehow, I thought this year was going to be different. I thought the worst was behind us and that the universe owed us a break. But I was mistaken. Just three days into the new year and already, the cloud of impending doom hangs over my head and follows me as I shuffle throughout my day. Despite "the news" I managed to pull myself together and make it to the loft on 8th and Broadway. For five hours I drank strong coffee and ate snacks that come individually wrapped in Christmas boxes from relatives and clients. I turned off my blackberry and turned off my life and stayed present as we shared our fears as well as our hopes and dreams for the upcoming year. Tomorrow I'll find out if this year is starting off differently or if I am faced with a carbon copy of what I was feeling this time last year. I just need to remember, that although I may not have control over situations, I do have control over my reactions. So whatever happens, at least one thing can be different this time around.

Disco Jesus (Part 1)

There's been a light flickering over the crucifix at church for the past few weeks. I think it's a short and for some reason it hasn't been fixed. I like it. The lights flicker erratically: short, long, on, off, flicker, flash. I like to ask questions and think that the flashing lights are answering me. Of course, whatever I ask, I can pretty much take any flashing as a sign of whatever it is I want the answer to be.
And the answer today was it's time to start a new blog.
I started thinking about it a little while ago when someone made the comment that all the blue was drowning out the pink. It wasn't the first comment that made me feel guilty for taking up so much space on what is a joint effort. I realize I've usurped this whole blog and the "s" in thrivingoleanders is somewhat missing.
I think sometimes people are looking for pink and are assaulted with blue. Or pink is there, but there's so much blue all around it, it gets prematurely pushed down. Or some people just don't get that A is pink and K is blue and end up thinking A is writing things that she's not actually writing and then she has to answer questions that have nothing to do with her. Or A gets associated and has to deal with comments that are mostly geared towards K.
In any case, today is the day. A year has passed since the first post on thrivingoleanders and it's time for a spin-off. I'll try to gear my thrivingoleander blogs more towards stuff that it was meant for, especially since K and A are starting new adventures in new places. And the new blog will probably be mostly the same stuff that this blog has been for me: venting, dreaming, naval gazing, waxing on, confessing, and the like.
http://fictionalself.blogspot.com

Friday, January 2, 2009

Decision

I think I have come to a conclusion about something I've been thinking about it for around a week and the time for me to actually do it is at hand. I don't know when you know something is right or when it's wrong, but sometimes you just have to do it and see what happens.
It's like tennis, you commit to the shot and either it's in or it's out. But you eventually have to hit the ball and deal with the results.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Renesmee

It started innocently enough. I wanted to see "Twilight." I made B come see it with me. Then I bought the book and started reading. It was all downhill from there. B was gone for Christmas, so all I did was read and read and read. I finished all four books in record time (for me). I hate the books but I love them. They're so trashy but they have seeped into my brain. I thought once I had finished reading them, the hunger would be over, but I can't stop thinking about them or talking about them.
I think poor B might be nearing the breaking point. I made him take me to see "Let the Right One In" tonight and he wasn't impressed. He called it "A Norwegian 'Twilight' for 12 year olds." I keep having to say the word "Renesmee" out loud or in my head at least a couple times a day. It's like I'm bewitched or something. I just hope it ends soon. I need to find something else to fixate on before I drive everyone around me crazy.