Crossing the Street

It's strange. I cross the same street almost every day. It's a busy intersection and I try to stay aware, but sometimes things are just out of my hands. Yesterday a car almost made a left hand turn into me and had to swerve and brake to avoid hitting me. Then a car gliding through a red light to make a right turn had to brake to actually stop while I crossed to the other side.
No matter how much you pay attention, no matter how much you try to stay in control, there are a whole lot of other factors in the world that can decide matters without you having a say.
When that first car was coming towards me, I was paralyzed. The smart thing to do would be to move or run or at least try to get out of the way, but I was frozen. In that moment, I was completely at the will of the driver, what he did would decide my fate. I think that's what makes it hard to get out of my own way sometimes. It's hard to admit that sometimes you're just at the will of all the other people in the world who are going along, making choices or not making them, of things just happening without any warning.
Of course my mind started to wonder what if. What if I was mowed down? What if I was injured? Life can change in an instant... I don't know why sometimes it does, and sometimes it doesn't. Walking around with that idea... with the knowledge that no matter what you do, you still are not in complete control can be a scary prospect.
I really hope that everything happens for a reason. If not, what am I left with?


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