1 in a Trillion

Things end and things begin.  And sometimes things that happen that seem so large end up disappearing like a smoke ring.  I don't know why things happen like they do sometimes.  There were moments yesterday where I had such clarity.  I saw myself and I saw the world for what it was.  It was scary because I knew there was some misfire in my brain that made me think all was coming clear, but I couldn't stop thinking that way.

I do think those moments are tainted, but there are truths they contain.  I'm entitled to my feelings just as much as anyone else.  And just because something I feels goes against the general consensus, it doesn't mean it's wrong.  My goal as of now is to just express what I feel.  It's up to me to stand up for myself and not be trampled on.  It's up to me to bring my problems to people instead of talking behind their backs.

There are plenty of times we are supposed to just go with the flow, to not cause trouble.  At this point, the only person I really have to face up to every day is the one in the mirror, and I need to start doing what I feel is right even if it's the wrong time for it.  

I Fucking Get It, you Ks

Now it's time for a little rant. Why the fuck can't people just take me at my damn word?
If I say I'm going to somewhere, I'll probably go unless I tell you otherwise. If I agree to cook something for you, I'll probably cook it for you unless I tell you otherwise. If I say the work is going to be done on time, the work is probably going to get done on time unless I tell you otherwise. And if I say no, I probably mean no unless I indicate otherwise.
I rarely need reminders, my memory is pretty good.
I rarely need continual questioning, if I change my mind, I'll tell you.
If there's one thing I'm sure of about my fickle personality, it's that I'm reliable. I'm someone you can count on when it all comes down to it, for better and worse. I'm pretty obvious with my emotions. I've been told recently several times that I'm a bad liar, so why would lie if it's so obvious?
I'm wondering if it's something I'm projecting. But just because I try to be laid back and jovial doesn't mean I'm a complete wastoid slacker. Maybe something I'm not aware of is causing people to question me at every move. In that case, I'm open to hearing what it is and what I need to do to change it. Maybe I'm just so closed off to the idea that I could be viewed of as unreliable. Maybe I need to be constantly questioned and reminded and am really am a big mess who needs to be micromanaged. If that is the case, I apologize.