The Bell Jar

I feel it descending. After days into weeks into months of nothing to do... no responsibility, only tennis, traveling, watching TV. It seems like work is going to start up Monday. I'm still not 100% sure it's going to happen. We were told it was going to start two weeks ago and I was told two days before that day that the start was pushed indefinitely. I had really found my groove of having nothing to do. I actually have had an amazing time. I haven't accomplished much but I got to go to Palm Springs and New York and Milwaukee with B. We went to St. Louis and I got to meet someone I've heard about for over a year, part of the famed ABC Trinity. I felt it was a kind of test and I hope I passed. Now I'm on the other side of the Mississippi with my family. I got to see and spend time with all the people that were important than me and now it's back to the grind... My stomach kind of hurts thinking about getting up early in the morning and spending the day being told what to do over and over and over again, bending to others' whims. I'm grateful for the job, I'm grateful for the opportunity to earn some money and pay off my bills, but it's such a shift.
When I walked into my parents house on Saturday, I felt like I've never felt before. I felt like I wanted to put down my things and stay... indefinitely. I'm really close with my family, but I've always realized I need to have my own life. But spending time with my brothers and sisters and mom and dad and all the other assorted offspring really was amazing and made me greedy for more. I guess it's not in the cards for me to live my ideal lifestyle. I guess I still have some dues to pay. I don't know. I'm just a little melancholy and sad. I want to go lie down in my room until I'm ready to face the world again.
But at least I have something to look forward to in California. A certain someone who's been traveling more than me.