Foreign Territory

It's strange being away from a spot I've grown so accustomed to. Little did I know, months ago, when I picked that spot what would happen because of it. It's one of those little things that has big consequences. I didn't know it at the time, but when I sat down and took my place, my fate had been decided. I became tied to other people in very specific ways with no choice in the matter.
I wonder why things happen the way they do. How different would things be had my seat been switched. It's a huge deal. I can't begin to imagine how different things would be. My attitude, my workload, my life. Maybe for better, maybe for worse.
Once again, it's about control. It's about wanting to know what I'm setting myself up for.
I remember starting 8th grade close to the end of the school year in Florida after my family had moved from Germany. I was sitting in the gym and some kids called me over, but I wouldn't go. I found out later that they were the "in crowd" and I think the decision not to come when I was called has been symbolic for most of my life. There's something in me that resists going in certain directions... Maybe for better, maybe for worse. I don't know if it's an irrational fear or a subconscious mode of protection, but deep down maybe I'm trying to exhibit whatever control I can over the smallest things.
For some reason, there's a bubble that's not ready to burst. But I think I'm secretly hoping that one day it does.