If there's one thing I know I excel at, it's walking away... quitting... hiding... not taking chances. It's kind of a raw deal to have that kind of a "talent," but I realize it's protected me from certain things that could have caused serious damage. I realize it's good and it's bad, but I also realize that it keeps me away from life a lot of the times.
So... there's this... situation. I play on a tennis league. I've played on this tennis league for years at the same level. Year after year, winning and losing, I've stayed at the same level. I want to move up. I've had that in mind season after season. To move up, I would have to go a season only losing 2 out of 10 sets. I actually did once. I had a 9-1 season, but because the people I played against were at my level and below, it didn't count. For it to count, the majority of people I play have to be at my level or above. This season I'm in at a level with people at or above me and have gone 7-2. Last week was my second loss and for me to move up, I have to win my next (and last) match.
This season was a strange one. Rain delayed the beginning of it and pushed it long of when it was supposed to end, so I have ended up not playing the people I'm supposed to play. Instead I've played a handful of substitutes. Last week was an especially hard loss. I was supposed to have a rematch and play someone I had already beaten, but he had a substitute and instead of clinching, I lost and now it's do or die... or not.
There's kind of a loophole. People have done it to me. I could get a substitute. I could get someone to play for me and the match wouldn't count for or against me. My record would stay as is and I would move up. Period, end of story.
Person after person is telling me to do this. To play it safe, to get a substitute. Especially because they know the person I will be playing against. He's good, is a higher level, and we've never played before. He'll be playing with nothing to lose, I'll have it all on the line. My mental game is far from my strong suit. In high stress situations, my nerves tend to get the best of me. A lot of times, I'll be tired after a point just because of all the nervous energy I have to expend to play it. The guy I'm playing is known for getting in his opponents' heads.
I could easily keep my record intact and do what I've always done... walk away... quit... hide... not take a chance. It's strange because it's so easy for me to do those things in other parts of my life. Whether it's saying no to an invitation to go somewhere or not finishing a piece of writing, it's so easy for me to just stop and put things aside. With tennis, it's different. When I fail, it's usually a spectacular, painful failure... but the strange thing is... I can't wait to try again. Yeah, it hurts, but in the back of my mind, I can't wait to put it right, to figure out what went wrong and try not make the same mistakes again. Of course, I make the same mistakes over and over, but although my nerves are still out in full force, I can control them a little better than when I first started.
Tennis is the one area in life where I don't back away after a failure. I charge right back after getting knocked down and try to swing again. I know my game will probably take years to get things anywhere close to where I want it to be, and maybe I'm not ready to move up. Maybe I'll never be able to dull those nerves and always be struggling. But it's a struggle I enjoy. It's a struggle I learn from. It's an area of my life where my automatic response is not to play it safe. I don't know, but I think the lessons I learn from that are probably worth the cost of the failures along the way. Yes it hurts, but it feels good to take the chance. Maybe what I'm learning on the court is going to help me learn what I need to do in life.
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2 comments:
There is one thing you are leaving out that maybe you don't know. The league system has failed YOU. The people who you are supposed to play against aren't showing up & instead you're playing stronger players. Paul K was a C and lost it last season. He is about to regain that C- - so you're really playing someone 2 levels ahead. Wake up! In this case you're NOT running away - you doing the right thing because you shouldn't be judged against a person really 2 levels above yours. I believe in JUSTICE and that is what you're doing by not playing this Sunday. Be smart. Listen to the people who REALLY CARE ABOUT YOU.
get the sub. this is a long time coming. there is a reason everyone is telling you this. this is a democracy and the majority rules. there is no shame in accepting something you've earned. think about that.
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