I bet you think this blog is about you (Don't you? Don't you?)

I've been feeling like a teenage girl who's dating a guy from the wrong side of the tracks lately. Everyone wonders what I'm doing with him, everyone wonders why I would make a choice like that. People aren't afraid to tell me so and I've heard it over and over again.
Do I really feel that strongly about making this choice? Am I being stubborn and deciding to go against everyone else's wishes just to show them up? Am I playing the bruised martyr who's looking for salvation?
At this point, I don't really know what I'm doing. Things aren't coming together like I wished they would. There's a fog that's descending. It's one thing with someone gives you their opinion and you disagree with it. It's quite another when everyone seems to think you're doing the wrong thing but you're resolute that you're not.
When I was 15, I took a couple weeks of tennis lessons. I wasn't a natural. Tryouts for the Fort Walton Beach High School tennis team came up pretty soon after I started playing and my coach said I might as well try out even if I wasn't ready. I tried out. I played two matches and was beaten badly. I defaulted the rest of my matches and quit playing for years. I just walked away. I rediscovered tennis a few years ago and LOVED it. I must admit I think about all the years that I missed because I backed down and the improvements I could have made and the fun I could have had.
When I watched Andy Roddick win the 2003 US Open, I saw someone fearless. Someone taking chances, not backing down. Someone forcing the issue. Watching him made me want to play again and to maybe do something to make those wasted years right.