Everyone's A...

I think part of my fear of Terry comes from the thought that might stand and watch me and start criticizing me. I admit it. I'm horrible with criticism. I think it stems from college. I remember my 2nd semester Freshman year in Writing Workshop II, a required class. I had written a wacky essay on Tori Amos's "Baker, Baker" that was a defense of all interpretations of everything (such ambition!). We had to workshop our papers and one guy in class wrote, "This essay labors under the illusion that it is enlightened." I was shocked. I mean, what was I supposed to do with that?
It seems to me that in workshop situations, the best criticism comes from people asking how to make your work better, not telling you why your work is bad. That class changed something in me. I stated to get scared. Although we were required to workshop our papers, I ended up getting around it and never sharing another thing in that class. When I went on to other writing classes, I continued to share as little as possible. I think my fear of people's disapproval has kept me from sharing a lot. And it's probably why I'm so defensive. Nowadays, I rarely ask for criticism, so when I get it, it's not something I'm good at dealing with.
I do realize criticism can be good. I can call upon AA, GF and TB for examples of teachers who knew the right things to say. And KI was always supportive and intuitive when it came to getting to the root of what something was. Even at ice skating, I actually love getting criticized by Miss ML. I guess it comes down to respect. If I respect you, criticize away. Still, it's a big responsibility. The people I respect are the ones most capable of hurting me. When I don't respect someone, that's when things get even more dangerous--when a stray comment or a moved comma can seem like a declaration of war.
I guess part of me wishes for the days when I labored under the illusion that I was enlightened., instead of living with the belief that my enlightenment is illusionary.