Ticking Numbers

Change is nearing. It's creeping up on me. My main coping defenses are avoidance and denial, so when I know something is coming, I just don't think about it until I absolutely have to. There's something that's been on the horizon for a while, and now it's almost here. I thought I was okay with it, but the closer it gets, the more sick I'm feeling. I guess I'll just deal with it when it arrives, but the anticipation is killing me. I don't know what it about it that's making me anxious. I think I fear failing horribly, or not being good enough, or not getting it, or of wasting everyone's time. I know I should be thinking positive thoughts, but it's always so much easier to go to the scary places.