Monday, November 10, 2008

Guilt (Or Innocence)

My opinion is too easily swayed. I'll be reading an article or listening to someone and go back and forth from one side of an issue to another. It seems like a lot of people I know resolutely believe things--they just know them. I'm always happy when I feel I just know something, but it's hard to trust in things. It's not like I've had tons of bad experiences with things changing, but something in me just doesn't trust that things will work out like they're supposed to. Maybe it's self-sabotage, maybe it's lack of self-belief, maybe it's over-identifying with everything and everyone. Whatever it is, I find myself constantly torn.
Lately I've been thinking about someone I know who has to deal with things far worse than I've ever had to deal with. I find myself wondering what I would do in her place. Is it easier to trust or just to believe the worst? Is having faith easier than not having it? I think about her life and can't really believe it is what it is. It's so far removed and foreign compared to mine and I wonder what goes through her head day after day. I think people end up surviving one way or the other. Ideally, we want things to go smoothly, but when they don't, most times we figure out how to get through. For whatever reason, my thoughts are going out to her today.

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