Just Another Vacation

I watched grown men compete to beat an 8 second record on the lido deck water slide. I watched a seventy year old man strip off his shirt and shake his booty, slightly off beat, to a live Jamaican version of Sir Mix-a-lots "I Like Big Butts" while 30 year old women grabbed his chest hair and squealed with excitement. I watched a hypnotized newlywed moonwalk across the stage better then he ever had, swearing he was Michael Jackson and the audience a bus load of adoring 9-year-old boyscouts. I drank Arnold Palmers and lost my balance on the elliptical when the waves were at 4-5 feet.
I ate Mexican Cheetos on Dolphin Beach and dove for starfish with a dark skinned boy I met in Cabo. He told me to avoid jellyfish so the spray bottle of vinegar could remain in my kayak cubby hole and not on my skin. He put fish in my hands underwater and carried my kayak on his sun tanned shoulders.
I saw men with machine guns and black face masks and ate fish tacos while my sister drank a cerveza in her new straw hat.
I sang Karaoke with my new friends from dinner after we danced with our Polish waiter and his sidekick who made boys with spoon faces out of dinner napkins.
I heard a young girl say "pancakes" in a voice resembling that of my niece and watched as my sister did a double take at the breakfast buffet. I saw the looks on the faces of our dinner companions and watched them drop their forks after they asked my sister how many children she had and she answered.