Drowning in Tennis-sea

I wasn't really disappointed at losing 6-3 to someone I had beaten the times we played before. I was more upset at my lack of emotion at losing. I went out there just to hit hard and serve hard. I actually hit 2 aces and a couple more unreturnable serves, which is a lot for me and made a handful of good shots. The rest was just bad mistakes. But instead of being torn up about it, I really didn't mind either way. I would have liked to have played better but wasn't that upset I didn't. It's kind of upsetting that I'm not upset. After the continuing drama of last season, there's nothing that big to be playing for. I'm just hitting a tennis ball. I guess I need to find some drama, find some enemy, find some drive for me to play. I guess I need to figure out a way to make me want it more. I do want to improve, I do want to play better, but hitting a couple times a week isn't going to do much. I have improved my serve, but I don't really have the time or money to make a surge in how I play. I think my mental struggles are over and now I'm just dealing with my limited talent and ability. It's a different place for me to be and I guess I just need to find a way to get comfortable here.